In this first installment of Staying Clean we’ll focus on an element of the Pokémon tournament experience that sends most women (well, mostly girls) running — the tournament venue restroom — and what you can do to help yourself and others stay clean and safe.
Let’s face it — card and comic shop restrooms are utterly disgusting dirtholes.
The factors that contribute to their universal filth are as follows:
1. The store’s proprietor is typically the janitor.
Most card and comic shop owners are into cards and/or comics [and not cleaning restrooms]. While most of these dudes wouldn’t mind if a rented space was altogether restroom-less, the reality is that builders typically slip one into every strip mall cube. The shop owner didn’t give this any thought at the outset of his business plan, and generally isn’t too picky himself when it comes to the state of public facilities he uses: all he cares is that they exist. In addition, most card shops operate on a shoestring budget in a brutally tough business, so regular janitorial services are out of the question.* Even the rarer-than-Pidgeot’s-teeth card shops with daily janitorial services aren’t geared to handle the likes of Pokémon tournament restroom traffic, which is akin to concert, fast food restaurant, or gas station levels.
*If you can point us to a card or comic shop that has a contract with a daily janitorial service, we will offer up a limited edition HeyTrainer holographic DIGLETT.
CLEAN IT UP! Earn your Junior Janitorette Gym Badge and leave the restroom as clean as possible. This means always throw away trash, flush used toilet paper, utilize any available air freshener, and do not pee on the walls.
2. Card shops have one restroom.
Not two. This means that men, women, boys, girls and others are all using the same toilet and sink for numbers “one” and “two,” which puts additional strain on the overall state of restroom cleanliness.
3. The high volume of people moving through card shops and their use of these intrinsically unsanitary restroom facilities is inevitable.
Professor Abraham Rowan’s hierarchical pyramid of Pokémon Trainer needs tells us that Pokémon TCG Trainers actually require only a few things to survive. Please see below:
What Rowan’s theory tells us is that, as Pokémon Trainers advance, they are destined to use the Card Shop’s restroom, no matter what.
CLEAN IT UP! Seek out alternate restroom facilities in the vicinity of the event before deck check.* This will reduce the amount of intense strain on [and inside] the venue’s restroom. Other trainers will thank you and so will the shop owner.
*Try to buy something at your alternate restroom location so the neighboring shop proprietors don’t view “the Pokémon people” as jerks, or worse yet — deny you future use of their public restroom facilities.
4. These same people are typically unclean.
What Rowan’s Pyramid also suggests is that Pokémon TCG Trainers do not require showering, oral hygiene, or deodorant — yet do engage in bodily excretion.
CLEAN IT UP! Try to relieve your digestive system of solids in the morning before the event in order to avoid putting unnecessary strain on the facilities. Take a shower before the tournament.
Now that you know why card shop restrooms are always so dirty, we can focus more directly on etiquette:
-Avoid the need at the top of Rowan’s pyramid: take it somewhere else if you’re in a bind. This will prevent odor from radiating throughout the venue, which will likely be noticed by all, since it is typically already a packed, filthy dirthole. Other Trainers might not say anything, but they’re grimacing for a reason when you exit the WC, leaving the door wide open.
-Alert the proprietor if the facilities need attention. This will help maintain the toilet’s usability. This can also help prevent expensive plumbing fees and will save other Trainers from the unwelcome surprise you’ve just encountered.
-Wash your hands before returning to train. Always use soap: this prevents the spread of bacteria among Trainers, as well as the spread of bodily excretion onto our precious Pokémon trading cards. If there is no soap, then FIND SOME! Even if it makes you late for the round, cleanliness is next to Godliness…Which, in turn, means that cleanliness is the penultimate way to honor SotG (“Spirit of the Game”)
Conclusion
As alluded to at the outset of this piece, one of the main factors that turns women away from the Pokémon TCG are the filthy restrooms at card and comic shops. If you are interested in improving the male to female ratio in the Pokémon TCG player base, consider cleaning it up. Dirty restrooms contribute to the spread of illness, as well as the spread of feces and urine onto our beloved Pokémon cards, and detract from general tournament enjoyability.
Till next time, STAY SAFE AND CLEAN IT UP!